TV Show Christmas Quotes

It's Christmas time again, so we decided to make a list for you with some great Christmas quotes from TV shows! Enjoy. 

Friends Christmas Quotes

"But I didn't get to shake my belly

like a bowl full of Jelly!"

- The One With the Holiday Armadillo

(Season 7 - episode 10)


"Ho Ho Ho Holy Crap is it

hot in here!"

- The One With Phoebe's Dad

(Season 2 - episode 9)


If Santa and the Holiday Armadillo

stay in the same room for

too long...the universe will...


- The One With the Holiday Armadillo

(Season 7 - episode 10)

"Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap,

Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap.

Said, all you need is to write them a song.

Now you haven't heard it yet,

so don't try to sing along,

No, don't sing along...

Monica, Monica, 

Have a Happy Hanukkah!

Saw Santa Claus,

He said hello to Ross.

And please tell Joey,

Christmas will be snowy!!

And Rachel and Chandler,

Ha ah ha ah handler!"

- The One With the Girl from Poughkeepsie

(Season 4, episode 10)

The Big Bang Theory

"Oh, Penny. I know you think you are being generous,

but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift.

You've given me an obligation."

The Big Bang Theory

(Season 2- Episode 11)


"December 25, 1642, Julian calendar, Sir Isaac Newton is born.

Jesus, on the other hand, was actually born in the summer.

His birthday was moved to coincide with the traditional pagan holiday

that celebrated the winter solstice with lit fires

and slaughtered goats. Which frankly sounds like more fun than 12 hours of

church with my mother followed by a fruitcake."

The Big Bang Theory 

(Season 3 - Episode 11)


"When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun."

The Big Bang Theory 

(Season 3 - Episode 11)


"Frosty is merely a bit of frozen supernatural ephemera

in a stolen hat. A crime, by the way, for which he

is never brought to account."

The Big Bang Theory 

(Season 3 - Episode 11)


"I gotta tell you, this is the most holiday fun

I've had since my therapist changed my anxiety medication

and I stopped caring about the blood in my stool."

The Big Bang Theory 

(Season 6 - Episode 11)


"Mixing Dungeons & Dragons with Christmas

is like making a sandwich of grape jelly,

the best-tasting jelly and petroleum jelly, t

he worst-tasting jelly."

The Big Bang Theory 

 (Season 6 - Episode 11)


"I signal my contempt for your cruel plan to shove Christmas

joy down my throat, by making a gesture that says: "Get a load of this guy."..."

The Big Bang Theory 

 (Season 6 - Episode 11)

Two and a Half Men

"Four call girls

Three French maids 

Two drunk twins 

And a lap dance in a pear tree."

(Season 4 - Episode 11)


"As this wonderful year draws to an end,

I send this note to family and friend

So thankful are we for blessings galore,

like Charlie's fiancée - a lady, not a whore

And young Master Jake is growing like a weed,

he makes us all proud, not a waste of my seed

He tried his darndest in every class,

and made tenth grade by the skin of his ass

And our sweet Mother Evelyn had a small operation,

her secret garden needed rejuvenation

And what about the author of this Christmas poem,

he's healthy and happy in his beautiful home

And while some might argue that he's just a leach,

it bothers him not, he lives at the beach

Happy Holidays from the happy Harpers."

Season 7 - Episode 11


"'Twas the night before Christmas when all down the beach

not a creature was stirring, not even a leech.

Alan was nestled, all snug in his bed,

while visions of lesbians danced in his head.

Brooke and Jenny were sleeping, a long winter's nap,

surrounded by bottles with nary a cap.

Jenny was nervous and frightened, but took a big chance.

She let Brooke in her heart, as well as her pants.

While Berta in her vest and I in my hattie

had just baked our brains out with a big Christmas fatty.

We started to doze, we hadn't a care.

Happy Christmas to all. My balls have no hair.

Season 11 - Episode 10

The Simpsons Christmas Quotes

"Oh, Jingle Bells, Batman smells,

Robin laid an egg.

The Batmobile broke it's wheel,

and the Joker got away..."

Season 1 - Episode 1


"Come on, Dad, if TV has taught me anything,

it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas.

It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown,

it happened to the Smurfs, and it's gonna happen to us."

Season 1 - Episode 1


"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas?

You know, the birth of Santa."

Season 9 - Episode 10


"And this ends Krusty's non-denominational holiday fun fest.

So have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Chanukah, a Krazy Kwanzaa,

a Tip Top Tet, and a solemn, reverential Ramadan.

Now, over to my god, our sponsors."

Season 12 - Episode 8


"And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping.

And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy,

I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes,

sick kids may include hookers with a cold."

Season 12 - Episode 8 


"Wine into water? Who could have performed such a cruel miracle?"

Season 12 - Episode 8 


"This tree reminds me of your father.

It's round in the middle, thinning on top,

and your hands are sticky when you touch it."

Season 22 - Episode 8

Other TV Christmas Quotes

"Get out of my chair, Bob,

or you're gonna get a candy cane up your chimney!"

That 70s Show

(Season 6 - Episode 7)



"Nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus."


(Season 1 - Episode 9)


"I need you. Friends don't let friends photocopy their butts at

company Christmas parties."


(Season 1 - Episode 9)


"Whether there's a Santa Claus or not, that's not why I love Christmas.

When I was kid, no matter how bad things got, my mother always managed

to make Christmas Eve magical. Every year, she would put on the "Nutcracker Suite".

I thought if she can do that in our tiny apartment when money was tight and we were alone,

it gave me hope that things could get better... I love that feeling, that sense of hope.

It's crazy, you know, on the shortest, darkest days of the year,

people of all faiths celebrate the light."


(Season 5 - Episode 9)


"You know, the kids are gettin' older,

and there're only so many holidays left t

hat we can legally make them spend with us."

Still Standing

(Season 2 - Episode 10)


"I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't."

The Office US

(Season 2 - Episode 10)


"Christmas is awesome.

First of all, you got to spend time with people you love.

Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything.

Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents?

And fourth, getting presents.

So four things. Not bad for one day.

It's really the greatest day of all time."

 The Office US

(Season 2 - Episode 10) 

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